Bunny Ears
by Kurohitori
Summary: Dante calls Vergil out to a old, ruined church. Whatever Vergil expects, it is the last thing Vergil would expect. Keep in mind that both Dante and Vergil are, to various degrees and possible extremes , out of charcter. Based on the DMC3 Dante and Vergil
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Dante's Unforgivable Act

Vergil wondered, yet again, why Dante wanted to meet him in the ruined church, where they had fought long ago…

Vergil looked over at his brother, Dante, once again concerned with his brother's mental health. Yet again, he wondered how this person could be his brother, and what had gone wrong? Maybe it was that first knock to the head…and the others that had followed it…

Vergil brought his attention back to the matter at hand. He had to worry about how all the most recent traumatizing events were affecting his brother. The matter must be handled as delicately as possible.

"Dante…"Vergil began, tentatively, than thought better of it, "What are those things on you head?"

"What do you mean, Verge?"

That stupid nickname again. When had Dante started calling him that? Vergil certainly didn't go around calling Dante…Danny or…something…

That was to be dealt with later.

"Well…" What to say, Vergil wondered… "It looks like you ripped off some poor animals ears and put them on your head."

Delicacy never worked well with Dante.

"What? Oh, these?" Dante asked, pointing to his head.

The things flopped around, like they knew they were being talked about. In that moment they caused more alarm to Vergil than Dante was. Quite the feat.

"Yes, those…things…" They were ridiculous, really.

Only Dante would think of putting two long, white, furry things that resemble mammals' ears in shape on his head. Those oblong, half curled ears did not belong on any demon, or human, for that matter.

"What's wrong with the bunny ears?" Then Dante put on a smug look "I get it. You're jealous. They're an expensive, top of the line product."

Simply hearing the words coming out of Dante's mouth made it seem even worse than Vergil had first thought. He had no idea that Dante was this afflicted. And people paid money for those things?? They actually put those things on their heads?

Where did Dante get the money from?

"Dante, what are you thinking!? Using my money—!" Vergil practically exploded, but Dante was quick to interrupt.

"Calm down Vergil! These are special!"

They're not the only ones who are. Vergil decided to use the glare he reserved for morons such as Dante. Dante paused for a moment, uncomfortable, but being as thick headed as he was, ignored it.

"Honestly, they have a purpose." Dante continued, "Let me show you."

Then Dante grinned. "I promise you'll love it."

Before Vergil had a chance to object, Dante had swiftly taken the bunny ears off his head and placed them delicately on Vergil's head in one fluid movement. In the moment Vergil wasn't sure whether to be astounded at the amazing display of grace Dante had just shown, or to stab him in the head for the grave offence of messing up his perfectly spiked hair.

Vergil decided to take the most appropriate course of action. Before he could stab Dante in the head, Yamoto fell out of his grip. That was when Vergil realized he didn't have a human hand anymore.

Then he noticed what was happening to the rest of his body. His arms and legs were shortening, his digits morphed into paws, he sprouted fine white hair all over his body, and at the same time the ground rushed towards him. Vergil tried to yell at Dante but no sound came out. When the transformation stopped, Vergil was trapped under his coat. Never before had it seemed so big to him.

Something grabbed Vergil from behind, lifting him up through the air and free of the coat that had been trying to smother him.

But then again, maybe it wasn't as bad as being VERY close to Dante's grinning face.

Vergil decided there was nothing for it but to force his way out of it. He found that this new body had extremely strong legs, but they were next to useless while he was dangling in Dante's grip.

"See, Verg, what did I tell you? Isn't it great?"

Dante's grin seemed to get wider, nearly splitting his face in half. The idiot was enjoying this, and Vergil swore he would get revenge. He laced his hateful glare with every venomous thought he could.

"Aww, you look so cute!"

Without his glare, Vergil was at a loss as to what he should do.

And how much wider could Dante's grin possibly get!?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Demands

"Who the hell do you think you are!? Dante, I demand that you stop this at once!" Needless to say, Vergil was furious.

Vergil's attempt at securing his brother's attention failed miserably. Not because Dante had a short attention span and a smaller than average brain, but because Vergil could not speak. Not a word passed through his tiny, furry lips.

Vergil found himself at a disadvantage. He wasn't quite certain what to make of it. He couldn't communicate, he was less than a quarter the size he should be, he couldn't wield Yamoto, and he looked cute. On one hand, Dante had succeeded some how at catching Vergil off guard. Vergil should be proud. On the other hand, it was Dante who did this to him! Dante!

He decided to try twisting himself free again.

"Damn this tiny, furry body! Dante! Put me down! Hey, wait, what do you think you're doing!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Vergil found himself unceremoniously dropped in a cardboard box. He desperately tried to climb out of the box, his paws skittering over the smooth cardboard surface. Great. Not only had Dante turned Vergil into a small, furry rodent, he had also caused Vergil to act desperate.

Dante looked at Vergil and said "Now, Vergil, I think we have something to talk about. Don't look at me like that, it had to be done."

Vergil wished every painful death he could imagine on his brother. There he was, grinning like a first class moron; all the while enjoying the fact that he had Vergil at his mercy. Really, it should be the other way around (minus the grinning like an idiot part).

Dante took a short breath, and began with, "Now look, Verg, there has been a very serious breach of contract here."

Contract? What was the idiot talking about now? Did Dante have one of those cell phone things? There was certainly nothing Vergil could do about that.

"You know the rules. I get pizza, I leave you alone."

Well, that wasn't really a contract. It was something Dante decided all by himself. Vergil had felt, at the time, that it would be good to indulge Dante just a little bit. He had left Vergil alone, but that was just yesterday!

"Today, I was worried I wouldn't get my pizza." Dante did look considerably worried when he said this.

He was worried. Didn't he have a job of his own? Couldn't he afford his own pizza? Whatever happened to that shop that Dante was supposed to own? He could live there instead of hanging around Vergil's place, messing it up.

Vergil decided that the most productive thing to do would be to stare Dante down. Maybe there were some special powers that only he, Vergil, had while he was in this body.

"Now, my request is simple. You get me a pizza; you return to your usual self." As usual, a simple statement from a simple mind.

Since Vergil was already staring at Dante, so there was no need for the usual dramatic gasp that follows a shocking statement. And even though Vergil was trying to make Dante's head explode, Vergil wasn't really much of a dramatic gasp kind of guy, so it went unmissed anyway.

Vergil thought he'd try one last attempt at communication. "Dante, have you even thought about how hard it is for a rodent to _buy a pizza_?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Dilemma

As Dante walked through the city towards the pizza parlor, a cardboard box under his arm, it began to rain. The rain began, lightly at first, becoming heavier and heavier with each step Dante took.

Rain fell on the empty streets; water running off rooftops and filling the gutters, flooding them so that water pooled on the roads and the sidewalks.

Vergil huddled in the little cardboard box and shivered. If this went on much longer, Vergil was sure he would die, humiliatingly, of exposure to extreme conditions.

Vergil decided that this was the time to use mind over matter. It had to work, and it sounded very impressive. So he waited, calculated, planned his escape. Vergil also came up with a couple of possible ideas for revenge. It did not hurt to plan ahead. There was that old jukebox Dante seemed to be fond of…

It wasn't until Dante was standing in front of the pizza parlor, the cardboard box nearly torn to ribbons, and Vergil, very close to liberation, that something seemed to occur to Dante.

Dante suddenly stopped and stood in front of the door. Rain continued to fall, water dripped down Dante's hair and coat, and the soggy cardboard box became even soggier. Alarmed, Vergil stopped trying to claw his way out of the cardboard box and watched Dantes every move. Or rather, Dante's lack of movement. Was it possible that Dante noticed his progress?

Well, with Dante, it was just wild guessing, but there was a good chance that _something_ had just been processed in that thick skull of his.

Vergil decided to disregard the thought that Dante could have intelligent thought and went back to his mission. He marveled at how well his little furry paws were suited to the task of ripping through damp cardboard. This infernally furry body was useful after all.

"Hey Verge," Dante said, slowly, "Did you bring your wallet?"

Vergil halted his escape and proceeded to stare at Dante. How much longer was Dante going to persist in this idiocy? How many more times could Dante possibly make Vergil stare at him? Wait, that was a bad question. It was the last thing Vergil wanted to know at this point.

For once in his life, Vergil felt a strong desire to be completely and utterly human, to escape from the nightmare also known as his brother, Dante. If Dante was a normal human, Vergil could have at least put him in some sort of institution, and there Dante would have stayed there for the rest of his life. But it was not meant to be. Vergil already tried that once. No mere human dwelling could imprison Dante.

No! Now is not the time to be distracted! With considerable effort, Vergil drew his mind from the traumatizing events of the past, and focused on the most recent and equally traumatizing events.

Verbal communication was out, and Vergil could not wield Yamamoto in his current state. None of his demonic powers had transferred over to the pitifully weak body either. Nor was intimidation an option, something that usually worked well for Vergil, but there were certain…handicaps that needed to be remedied. Dante had said Vergil looked cute. That was not something Vergil could forgive.

Vergil was running out of options. If only he had his human form!

Something occurred to Vergil them. If these claws could rip through wet card board, then what could they do to unprotected human flesh? It certainly was a good theory…

Dante yelped in pain, and then noticed the blood running down his face.

"If you wanted to tell me that you don't have your wallet, there are nicer ways to." Dante seemed a little upset, his voice quivering.

There were nicer ways, but Vergil certainly was not in the mood to use them. And the nerve! There certainly were nicer ways to get people to buy pizza for you.

"Maybe this whole…bunny thing…was a bad idea…" Dante said, his voice still quivering, punctuated by the occasional hiccup.

Finally! Logic!


End file.
